Unleash your Imagination, with Fan Fiction

20/11/2013

Enjoy Harry Potter? A fan of Katniss Everdeen? Love playing Call of Duty? Those characters from our beloved books, comics, movies and games continue to live on--in our writing. 5M have joined the legions of fans who bring those characters alive, make them face new challenges and new characters in novel plots. Below are a sample of 5M's fan faction stories. Give it a read and see if you can guess which stories they are from. Leave a comment about what you like and maybe how we can be better writers.

78 Comments

Benjamin

21/11/2013 02:39:14 am

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:20:36 am

I like your use of adjectives. The smooth, green paper. If you go back through your work and look for points where sentences should end, you can help make it a little easier to read.

Rahul Sangh

21/11/2013 02:39:21 am

The Tekkit War (feat Yogscast) based on a true story
Honeydew INC

"La la la la laaaaa," sung Simon gracefully.

Another morning and another day of Simon's idiotic problems.

"Ok so let's get started, first we'll make a base so everyone get some wood, " explained Lewis.

Simon rushed to the trees as did Duncan. Simon was punching the first block of oak log. Millions and millions of golden pixels joined together to make a sign that said Getting Wood and a ting sound.

Simon opened his inventory then the same thing happened again then it said Taking Inventory then the ting sound happened again. He felt like he was ahead of everyone else. He got the rest of the tree and three other trees. He crafted the twenty four logs into ninety six oak wooden planks. But he didn't notice the two shadows in the distance.

Time to make a wooden pickaxe. He crafted a crafting table and used four wooden planks to craft eight sticks. Then he made a wooden sword and pickaxe. Meanwhile Duncan was just messing around. While Lewis was looking for a place to make a base. Day was beginning to come night. Lewis had finished the little house. Duncan and Simon sprinted to the little house. Lewis made three beds, one for Simon, one for Duncan and one for himself. They went to sleep, something in the middle of the night woke Simon up.

Teeth chattering, paranoia getting the better of him, he was scared really scared. He heard a tapping sound at the window a sound of someone rapping at my window.

"Who's there," yelled Simon fearfully.

A shadow appeared, Simon got out his bed and got out his wooden sword. He opened the door and went outside, he saw a dirt statue of a human outside. About ten blocks high, the man had a long private part about five blocks with water coming out. Simon was confused, he didn't know what it meant. He went back to bed and tried to go to sleep but the thought of the statue kept him up.

It was morning Lewis and Duncan woke up to find Simon with red eyes, murmuring words.

"Dirt man, dirt man, dirt man."

"What do you mean dirt man," questioned Duncan?

Simon walked outside and Lewis and Duncan followed. Simon told them that there was a dirt statue here. Lewis and Duncan looked at each other confused. There was no dirt statue there, they thought Simon was going mad.

Sips CO
"Honkkkkkkkkkk," honked the alarm.

"Ahhhh that sound never gets old," exclaimed Sips_

Sjin was in the interview chamber preparing to get an interview ready for Nilesy. Sips_ told something to Sjin secretly.

logan

22/11/2013 02:05:09 am

graphic

Sierra

22/11/2013 02:42:26 am

Very graphic.

Ben

22/11/2013 02:43:19 am

I love the graphical details

Your Secret

22/11/2013 02:44:29 am

Good, very good

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:25:25 am

A very clever description of a Minecraft dream. I think you could turn it up a notch if you took parts like 'Meanwhile Duncan was just messing around.' and applying a 'show, don't tell' approach.

Future Physicist

21/11/2013 02:43:49 am

Trapped

"Jack!" Came the yell from upstairs.
Hearing mum's voice, "What." Shouted Jack.
"Clean up your room now, mister" she screeched.
"Why, I just got back from Allan's house and his mother is a nightmare." Jack said with rage.
"I don't care, get up here now and clean your room" she yelled.
"Fine" He groaned.
As I walk I up stairs and go into my room I noticed a piece of gum on my bed. As I took off the gum wrapper I notice there was some writing on it but I just ignored it and ate the gum.
So I started to clean up my room. It felt like the longest 10 minutes of my life.
"Stupid chores, I wish I had a life with out chores." I mumbled to myself.
Finally done.

Well that's done now what's on tv tonight. Patrick the plumber, boring, detergent circle shirt, stupid. The Dark Knight, grinning, I started to get comfortable on the couch.

Matthew

22/11/2013 02:47:29 am

I like it.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:30:01 am

This story has a good clear progression from moment to moment. See if you can elaborate by adding a few more adjectives.
was the gum wrapper silver, encased in rough or shiny paper? What did the gum taste like? Did he throw the wrapper in the bin, or did it join the mess on the floor?

Jasmin link

21/11/2013 02:48:31 am

Judy Moody
And Another Not Bummer Summer

Chapter One
The Best Morning Routine Ever

"Rise and shine sunshine, because it's summer!" said Stink and I
As we threw a whole bucket of water on Judy
"STINK! PIPER!! IM TELLING ON YOU AND YOU WONT GET TO GO TO HAWAII BECAUSE I'M TELLING MUM" Judy yelled
I did my morning routine but this time it was different I got to pack a suitcase instead of my bag because I'm going to HAWAII!!!! To see my aunt Opal.
Once I packed my bag and done my favourite morning routine of the year it was time, time to have the best not Bummer summer EVER!!
When we got into the airport my brother said " HAWAII HERE I COME" When we got into the aeroplane my brother said again " HAWAII HERE I COME" And then when we got there my brother said " HAWAII Here I am"

Finding The House, The ight house

As we got of the plane and got a Taxi aunt Opal's house we came across a huge Theme park it is called Fun Zone
Mum I screamed "can we please please please go to the theme park Fun Zone"
"Oh yes yes yes every kid that comes in this taxi somehow sees Fun Zone and does the exact same thing as you two did the taxi driver said in a not American accent
Mum said to us and the Taxi "our stop is here"
"Ok" said the taxi driver "But I think the house is three blocks away but, ok"
"I think I know were I'm going" said mum
"Oh snap" I said
"You are weird" said Judy
Me and Stink gave Judy a bad look a really bad look
So we started walking to house number 232
"I thought Aunt Opal had a big mansion" said Stink
"Your Aunt Opal always exaggerates"said mum
Mum knocked On the door and a lady dressed in a uniform said "Hi are you visiting a lady here" said the lady
" yes you must be Opals maid nice to meet you I'm Opals sister and I'm visiting her with my children" said mum
"This is a nursing home and I don't have an Opal on the list"

Čhłõē

22/11/2013 02:28:48 am

Good story Jasmin

Ćhłöē

22/11/2013 02:29:27 am

(0_0)

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:36:35 am

I like the way your story starts out with a very normal holiday, but right at the end of this part we have the tension build. Where is Opal, we wonder? If you wanted to expand the story you could give a little description of the airport. Was it crowded? Was the flight long and dull, or was it full of turbulence?

Jordan link

21/11/2013 02:50:23 am

Diary of a wimpy Australian kid

Monday
First of all this is a journal not a diary. I know what it says but when mum went of to buy this thing I told her to get one that says journal. This just proves that mum doesn't know anything about kids my age. I only decided to do this to write my feelings about high school in it. Anyway I'm not worried about high school it's my best friend Rowley that I worried about. Sometimes he can be a bit of a baby.

"For Christmas I want a puppy, a teddy, some balls, plastic Sowed.
Yep that's him alright.
Can you imagine what is going to happened to him.

The first day of high school is just like kindergarten I guess. Starting all over again. Being the smallest in the school.
The first day of high school can be fun for some and scary for others.
I am like the smallest kid in the school.

Kyle

22/11/2013 02:52:23 am

Very graphic lol

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:42:20 am

I like the journal format. You could play with metaphors and hyperbole. For example, At school I am a lego man surrounded by GI Joes. They tower over me so much that I rarely see the sky.

Matthew.l link

21/11/2013 02:50:48 am

Superman Returns
Krypton are fighting the war against Hiphopalopales. Supermans coming into battle for the first time. Flying in a v- shape form of missiles that have written on on the side property of Hiphopalopales "incoming" Superman dad scream.superman blinks BOOM!!!.

10 years later
"Sir sir"
"What what did we win the war?"said superman in a confused voice.
"Sir are you ok?" said Sally in a nurturing voice "my name is Sally what's yours"
"Superman"he said "where am I".

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:45:07 am

Nice and mysterious. You have built tension right away. If you review your first paragraph, I think you could find ways to make the sentences a little clearer.

Katarina

21/11/2013 02:51:41 am

Once Upon A Time

Once a pond a time...
"Hey, isn't it once upon a time". Ok ok once upon a time there lived a Little Mermaid. "I know this story it's The Little Mermaid".
Be quiet. It is not The Little Mermaid. Lets get back to the story. Where was I oh yes a Little Mermaid a very happy Little Mermaid. Her dad was the king of the ocean Triton. She has 6 sisters. All there names started with A.
"My name name starts with A to". I thought I told you to be quiet.
Back to the story. The little mermaids name was Ariel.
One day when Ariel went for a swim in the reft with her father. She asked
"can I go and see the sea which". Why answered triton. "I ... I ... Can't tell you" " Ariel I am your father you can tell me everything" "I rely can't tell you" mooned Ariel as she swam away.

logan

22/11/2013 02:08:46 am

?????????????????

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:49:49 am

I like the approach of a story within a story. This reminds me of the movie, The Princess Bride. To help the audience, you may wish to include some physical description of the place where the reading is taking place.

Katarina

27/11/2013 01:24:14 am

Thanks

Katarina

21/11/2013 02:52:31 am

Jess

22/11/2013 02:34:53 am

Kat I really like the mysteries everybody go ask to read the rest of kats it is really good!

Chloe

21/11/2013 02:53:25 am

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there lived all these Disney characters and they all went into this other story--a vampire story. This story's vampire's name was Justwallyer. It was a very unusual name but he was a vampire who would cook all the kids for dinner. He would cook all the kids for dinner because he doesn't like the blood that little kids have. As he would say YUM YUM when he was just about to put the kid in his mouth. Justwallyer would go out on Halloween and every night to catch the kids.

One day he forgot to cook the kids so the kids jumped and hopped of there cage and ran right away. The kids went on an adventure and got some food from the jungle. In the jungle they had found some mangos, coconuts, apples, bananas, pineapples and grapes also many more. On that day, after they had eaten some fruit they would go and find some sticks, wood, leaves and bark and they will build a shelter. The day after that they went more in the jungle and they saw a massive long bridge "How are we going to get across there without falling off" Mikey Mouse exclaimed.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:54:57 am

I like the idea of dropping characters into another story. Here is a way to avoid "story's vampire's..." In this story, the vampire's name was Justwallyer.
I wonder who the other two Disney characters are.

Harry

21/11/2013 02:56:12 am

Bang! Boom! Smash! Batman strikes, superman hits, green lantern kicks and Aquaman stabs. The justice team has succeeded. The villains are defeated. Back to the lair we go. "So, justice, who are we going to strike next," said Batman. "Quick to the Bat mobile" ( batman theme ).
"What's happening what's so urgent" said superman.
"Martian man hunter is in trouble, the Joker, Bane and Mr freeze have him and plan to suck his powers out" shouted batman.
"Well we're here" said green lantern."what a dump".
BANG! Batman kicks the door down at the church.
They see a bunch villains. The joker, Mr freeze and Bane. They gaze into each other's eyes. The justice league Martian man hunter locked up in a Kryptonite chamber so superman can't get him out. Before the villains know it green lantern makes a giant sword but as he is striking Mr freeze freezes the sword while bane picks it up away from the cage. Green lanterns ring runs out of charge. Green lantern is useless.

harrison

22/11/2013 02:02:07 am

great work harry! keep it up

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:57:32 am

I love the continuous action. The short, sharp sentences convey speed. It might be interesting to add some description of the locations. Is the lair underground? Is it dark, dank and mysterious? Perhaps it is bright and high tech?

jace (lightning mcqueen) link

21/11/2013 02:56:41 am

Cars
cars rumbleing as they zoom past me. I was flying
down the outside passing everyone. I decide to take a pit stop
with only two laps to go. I drifted in. My pit crew came out working
down there magic. my manager rushed out after .
"Lightning what are you doing here! there is only 2 laps to go!"

"Sorry boss"
My pit crew screams ready. I was off BANG, BOOM, CRASH!
Cars flipping everywhere.

TO READ MORE GO TO MY WEBSITE

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 01:58:49 am

You have used some great verbs. I can't wait to read more.

Jess link

21/11/2013 02:56:54 am

"Bye mum." I told her as I embraced her tight. I waved goodbye, turned and walked like a lady with my back up straight. This is where I was going to be spending my next term, Lala school for Young Ladies. I serveyed the old building with its chipped, peeling white paint. It must have been a few hundred years old. I had decided to get straight into unpacking. I felt something tickeling, moving around in my stomach, I couldnt wait to meet some new friends. As I was walking I noticed a young girl who was just as tall as me staring a me in a really wierd way.

"Hello can I help you?" I questioned her.
"Im sorry I can feel that your going to be my room buddy, I meanyou just look like a really nice person." Shje answered.
"Thankyou?" I said confused.
"My name is Marley.:
"My name is Alex."
"Where is your room?" Marley asked.
"I have to go get my room card for my room!" I tol;d Marley.
"I need to get mine too, I'll come.

We walked slowely talking about Lala School for Young Ladies as we went to get our cards from the office.
"Hi i'm Alex Rose can we please have our room cards?" I asked the lady behind the bench.
"Yes certainly lovely." She replied.

Katarina

22/11/2013 02:47:09 am

I like the mystery

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:03:59 am

You convey a lot of ideas with your descriptive writing. Walked like a lady really brings in that finishing school feel. You use great verbs like surveyed. Perhaps, before the last sentence in your first paragraph, you could describe where she is walking towards. Is in an imposing, ornate set of doors? Are they open and welcoming? Is there the crunch of gravel, or the tap of pavers beneath her feet?

Rolly link

21/11/2013 02:57:20 am

The outbreak (spider-man)

"Is it over?" She asked.
"Yes, yes it is".
FLASHBACK...
I opened my locker door. Shoving my books in the school bell rang *ding *ding *ding, the school basketball team came walking by and slammed my head into my locker one by one.

I started walking to science class, on my way I saw Gwen.
"Hey Peter what's wrong with your head?" She asked worriedly.
"I got my head slammed by the school basketball team" I said.
We chatted to class together, miss Higgins told us to pair up for science. I paired up with Gwen.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:05:34 am

Wow, harsh start. Is he vision blurry? Are his ears ringing? I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Sierra

21/11/2013 02:57:23 am

I was pushed along by the crowd. Curse my shortness. I couldn't see anything. Wait...is that? Oh boy, here we go.
"Hello, dork." Pansy snarled. I rolled my eyes.
"Pansy, how lovely to see you again!" I said sarcastically. She crossed her arms. A boy with white-blonde hair and stone grey eyes appeared behind her. "And you too, Draco." I added before walking off. I smiled as a spotted some people I actually liked. "HARRY!!! RON!!! HERMIONE!!!" They waved. I rushed over to them.
"Hey, Loki!" Harry smiled
"Hi, Loki!" Ron greeted
"Hello, Lokia!" Hermione said. I rolled my eyes.
"Hermione, I told you a million times. Call me Loki." I insisted. I hated that name. Lokia. My aunt chose it. And I hated my aunt. She was so...posh. And I wasn't.
"Whatever, Lokia." Hermione teased me. I looked down into my satchel. I small, tiger-striped tail was peeking out. I clicked the clasp on my bag open, and lifted the small feline from the satchel.
"Hello, Jester!" I smiled, petting his back. He meowed in return.

Cinta :)

22/11/2013 02:43:47 am

OH SHANAEP!

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:08:38 am

This is a great start. I like the way we are introduced to many characters and right away know where Loki sits on the good vs. evil side of Hogwarts. Loki is an interesting name. You might want to look at Norse mythology if you need some ideas.

Cooper M

21/11/2013 02:57:52 am

Cars 2

He's coming round in the inside. He smashes into Lighting McQueen the speed and red and green and the number one arguable the fastest car on earth but McQueen is on he's bumper almost smashing into him almost drafting around the Italian car. aw the Carla Veloso he has popped his tries has it been the new oil. Maybe the electric oil isn't a good a idea screamed the commentator.

Hahha good one first shot that laser was great idea that oil hasn't got a chance laughed chuck (the spy)

Yes as you saw Carla Veloso tires popped

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:12:25 am

A great action seen. You could add some description around the sounds that would be heard. Races are noisy affairs.

...chance laughed Chuck as he adjusted the team hat that formed part of his disguise.

Cinta

21/11/2013 03:56:44 am

'YOU JUST SAID HIS NAME!'
'Meh....' I shrugged, 'Avada Kadavra!'
'You fool, you will never defeat Bellatrix Lestrange, NEVER!!'
She was Le strange.
'Valerie, get out of here!' Shouted Harry, 'Expelliarmus!'
'Look Harry, even though you're the "chosen one" does NOT mean you have to defeat Bellatrix!' I shouted, doing the quotation marks with my fingers.
Neville stood up and said, 'Oh SHANAEP! Harry just got GURLED!'
I glared at him, and he knows what it means.
'Ok, I-I'll shut up...'
Hermione ran and stood by my side, 'What's up?'
'Well, Harry just got GURLED, and your Ron is hiding behind a bush.' I gave her a quick smile then looked at Bellatrix, who was about to fly off.
So I shouted, 'VOLDERMORT, VOLDERMORT, VOLDEMORT, VOLDERMORT!!!'
Bella hissed and shouted 'Furnunculus!' but misses, thank god I'm not boiling.
I scoffed, and shouted 'Levicorpus!' Bellatrix is dangled upside-down by one of her ankle.
'I've always wanted to use that spell!

Çîñtå link

22/11/2013 02:40:10 am

'YOU JUST SAID HIS NAME!'
'Meh....' I shrugged, 'Avada Kadavra!'
'You fool, you will never defeat Bellatrix Lestrange, NEVER!!' cackled Bellatrix.
She was Le strange.
'Valerie, get out of here!' Shouted Harry, 'Expelliarmus!'
'Look Harry, even though you're the "chosen one" does NOT mean you have to defeat Bellatrix!' I shouted, doing the quotation marks with my fingers.
Neville stood up and said, 'Oh SHANAEP! Harry just got GURLED!'
I glared at him, and he knows what it means.
'Ok, I-I'll shut up...'
Hermione ran and stood by my side, 'What's up?'
'Well, Harry just got GURLED, and your Ron is hiding behind a bush.' I gave her a quick smile then looked at Bellatrix, who was about to fly off.
So I shouted, 'VOLDERMORT, VOLDERMORT, VOLDEMORT, VOLDERMORT!!!'
Bella hissed and shouted 'Furnunculus!' but misses, thank god I'm not boiling.
I scoffed, and shouted 'Levicorpus!' Bellatrix is dangled upside-down by one of her ankle.
'I've always wanted to use that spell!' I jumped up and down.
'It's not over yet!' screamed Bella (Sorry I was getting bored of typing Bellatrix), she flew away to her other fellow Death Eaters, 'NEVER!!!'
Yep, she's still Le strange.
'Uh, h-hi.' Ron stuttered like someone cast a freezing spell at him, 'Is it safe?'
'Yes, Baby Weasley.' I smiled.
Behind Ron, I saw Lavender running up to Ron. 'Hey, Wonny-Bon!'
Lavender smiled and hugged Ron. Well, it looks like she's glomping Ron.
'Wanna go to the Yule Ball with me?'
'OH CRUMPETS! I forgot about the Ball!' Oh god, 'AND I DON'T HAVE A DATE!' I freaked out.
'Valentine, CALM YOUR NON-EXISTING FARM!' Shouted Harry.
I calmed my farm and sighed. 'But I still don't have a date!'
'I-I'll go with you...' stuttered Harry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*

'Oh, Hermione, you look oh so beautiful!' I smiled.
'You too Valerie.' Smiled Hermione while putting some foundations on.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:15:17 am

I love the way you are playing with language. Some description of where this is occurring would really help.

Jasmin

22/11/2013 02:40:40 am

I N T E R E S T I N G ..................

ѕιerrα

22/11/2013 02:43:51 am

It's a good start, Gummi Bear, gold start!
GOLD STAR FOR YOU!

Çïñtå

25/11/2013 02:39:03 am

W-why do I need a Gold Star?

daniel link

21/11/2013 04:54:18 am

Batman 5
Running, running and running for the fate of the world.
Beep!
Super man, Spider man, Iron man, get to those bombs," said batman. were going as fast as we can said iron man. well go faster there's trucks every where said superman. get them out of broadway city now. uh uh uh do you think I would let you win that easily said joker. Joker said batman.

LIGHTNING MCQUEEN

22/11/2013 02:47:16 am

Daniel you need better puncuation but interesting start

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:17:14 am

I like the repetition at the start. I can't wait to read the full story. Keep getting those words down.

Zach (Francesco)

22/11/2013 02:05:56 am

jeff manus was the kind of kid who could always answer your question. he was always the kind of kid who constantly made things. putting together robots and inventing new gadgets. he learnt most of these things from his dad

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:17:59 am

I like this start. I'm intrigued and want more!

Will (Mater)

22/11/2013 02:12:11 am

BOOM, CRASH, SMASH, POP Lightning McQueens tyres have all blown someone somehow has put pins on the track!? Lightning has rolled slowly into the pits. This is a continuest sabotage to Lightning McQueen, someone has taken his tyres. Hezertateing they take off Maters rusty old tyres And McQueens back on the track! Still winning over the over taking. He has a brilliant win and a cheering pit crew but there has been a default...

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:20:44 am

A great strong start. We can see, feel and hear the tyres go. I'd suggest having a friend read this aloud with you and make sure each sentence makes sense to them.

gavin

22/11/2013 02:15:46 am

BANG!!! joker's arm reterns to his body, but batman didn't movbe an inche. batman shouts to robin "he's geting away!" joker stop and turn and sends some gas out of he's flower with a million dollars he robed from the bank

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:22:27 am

This is a good start, though I remember that you had a lot more in your book. I can't wait to see it all.

adam link

22/11/2013 02:34:22 am

simpsons

''Hay geek,nerd smartaleck! who thinks his so brave but really your just a big wuss.''The next day at lunch and recss it happend again to millhouse. But at recss bart steped in to stop Fred. But fred started to bully Bart instead of millhouse. The naxt day was halawen and at school they were going on a excursion to a hunted house but Barts class didn't now it was a hunted house they thought it was a normale house.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:24:28 am

I like how this is turning out. You have written about three characters who we can instantly recognise. Is there anything mysterious about the haunted house? Does it look normal?

Katarina

22/11/2013 02:35:53 am

Once Upon A Time

Once a pond a time...
"Hey, isn't it once upon a time?" Ok ok once upon a time there lived a Little Mermaid. "I know this story it's The Little Mermaid".
Be quiet. It is not The Little Mermaid. Lets get back to the story. Where was I oh yes a Little Mermaid a very happy Little Mermaid. Her dad was the king of the ocean Triton. She has 6 sisters. All there names started with A.
My name name starts with A too". I thought I told you to be quiet!
Back to the story. The little mermaids name was Ariel.
One day when Ariel went for a swim in the reft with her father. She asked
"can I go and see the sea which". Why answered triton. "I ... I ... Can't tell you" " Ariel I am your father you can tell me everything" "I really can't tell you" mooned Ariel as she swam away.

"Ariel where are you going" shouted Sebastian the crab Arils protector
"I 'm going to see the sea which". "No you are not". "Yes I'm watch me"

"What are you doing here little mermaid?" "I want to walk on land like people." "Ok but you have to pay." "What do I have to pay?" "Your voice for two days."
My voiceYes that is what I said I think Ok you can have my voice
But how do you get my voice Sing it to this shell it will come back to you after two days like I said Ok Sing sing what are you doing You will see

Where am I come but voldomort is this Harry potter I tried reading the books but book and water do not agree. Mall inportly I have feet.

Benjamin

22/11/2013 02:37:28 am

The New One feat Young Justice

I sat on my couch and I slowly reached for the remote I grasped it pressing the button gently to change the channel I realised that it was not working I pressed down on it again the battery's dead. I jumped up grabbed my ten bucks and walked over to the shops. While I walked down the street to buy new battery's when someone appeared in front of me and knocked me down. The ten dollars flew out of my hand. I jumped and reached for it. My fingers slid across the smooth green paper now flying through town as I dodged cars and bicycles. The wind died for a few seconds letting the money drift down like a feather going sliding through the fingers of a drain leading to the sewer. Slowly I walked home I went over to the tv and turned it off when I saw a button on top of the tv it said
Change channel I turned the tv on again and changed to my show. I saw the intro of the story. I yelled "yes"! But then something was slowly reached out to grab me it was a cold hand then another one came out and pulled me in i grasped for a hold but was no use.

When I woke up I was encased in a dirty smelly potato sack. The bag started opening all I could see was a lab with mechanical stuff. As I looked around it kinda looked like the bat cave. Then I saw a head appeared but it wasn't a head it was a helmet and it was golden. Two black gloved hands where holding it he pushed it down on my head. I didn't feel like myself I felt as if I was losing control over my body, my stomach started to twist and turn I went through courses of pain now my head started pumping and my tongue kept on spinning it was like I fell off a building.

This was no ordinary helmet and just before I lost subconscious I yelled "Dr. Fate".
Dr. Fate is the magician from the episodes I can't believe I'm doctor fate but wait why can I still control myself I heard Batman strictly told me "you are the chosen one you can control the power of Dr. Fate you will be fighting alongside the Justice League you will be put in a team with other kids like you".

Zach (Francesco)

22/11/2013 02:45:10 am

Jeff Manus was the kind of kid who could always answer your question. He was always the kind of kind who constantly made things putting together robots and inventing new gadgets. He learnt many of these things from his dad.

Jace (lightning mcqueen)

22/11/2013 02:45:27 am

Cars
Cars rumbling as they zoom past me. I was flying
down the outside passing everyone. I decide to take a pit stop
with only two laps to go. I drifted in. My pit crew came out working
theier magic. my manager rushed out after.
"Lightning, What are you doing here? there are only 2 laps to go!"

"Sorry boss"
My pit crew screams "Ready". I was off BANG, BOOM, CRASH!
Cars flipping everywhere. Its like they tried to make a barracade to stop me.
I pick up the speed and bang!

blake link

22/11/2013 02:48:11 am

Larry Larry! wake up! what? Where are we? how am l suppose to know. Garry come and look at this what ohh how did we get in vages what happed last night l dont know how did we get in vages

RAOR!!! what was that it came from out the window o my gosh what said garry while stuffing his moth with cake ahh! its a tiger how did a tiger get out of the window hey wheres dug is that dug open the window garry what open the window why maybe dug might be out therenow open it ok ok dug dug hello are you out there raor oh shut up strpy .

Mr Mc

25/11/2013 02:52:21 am

Your action scenes and your dialogue bring up the tension straight away. Add some detials of where the story is taking place, also make sure to edit your work, especially the dialogue.

Kyle

22/11/2013 02:50:31 am

Minecraft fan fiction
There he was.Out of nowhere he appeared in a world made up of blocks.His name was Assassinkyle02 and this was his first time playing minecraft he had just made account and bought the game.simple as that he found a server typed in the ip and logged in.Assassinkyle02 was dressed in red and black assassin robes with a hood pulled over his face.On his back he had a empty arrow quiver and a sword belt for his desired sword.He headed over to a grove of trees and started punching a oak tree.After punching the tree he got wood logs (minecraft logic everyone) he accessed his inventory and crafted his logs into wood planks time to build a house.

Mr Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:27:13 am

You have some good tension at the start. What is this assassin doing in Minecraft? We know it is not just a normal player because of the clothes. I wonder if you could emphasise the nature of the world by describing the trees and ground in terms of their shape, perhaps that they are made out of repeating patterns.

cooper s

22/11/2013 02:50:48 am

Weaving through the city, on his first errand, the young bruce was heading to the supermarket. Walking past an alley, something attracted his attention. Gazing into the alley, he saw Redwood swiping a lady's purse. While walking back Bruce looked down the alley and Redwood was gone. He decided to sprint to his hotel, named New York on the Park. Bruce sprints into the hotel and presses the elevator button, the door opened and it was the Redwood in his dreams so decided to go up the stairs instead.

Robert Tillsley

23/11/2013 02:28:40 am

Some interesting events. I wonder if you could let us know how he feels as he sees the purse getting swiped.

gavin

22/11/2013 02:51:09 am

Bang!
Jokers's arm lowered, but Batman had not moved an inch. Batman had not moved an inch.
Batman shouts to Robin, "He's geting way!"
Joker stopped and turns.he shot some gas out of his flower wich blinded Batman and Robin for moment and exscapes with a millon dollars he robed from the bank.

Jasmin with a better one

27/11/2013 01:24:18 am

Zach

27/11/2013 01:40:05 am

Nice action start Gavin

Katarina

27/11/2013 01:43:19 am

Harrison link

28/11/2013 06:08:26 am

Bang! Boom! Smash! Batman strikes, Superman hits, Green Lantern kicks and Aquaman stabs. The Justice Team has succeeded. The villains are defeated. Back to the lair we go. "So, Justice, who are we going to strike next," said Batman. "Quick to the Bat Mobile" ( batman theme ).
"What's happening what's so urgent" said Superman.
"Martian man hunter is in trouble, the Joker, Bane and Mr freeze have him and plan to suck his powers out" shouted batman.
"Well we're here" said green lantern."what a dump".
BANG! Batman kicks the door down at the church.
They see a bunch villains. The joker, Mr freeze and Bane. They gaze into each other's eyes. The justice league Martian man hunter locked up in a Kryptonite chamber so superman can't get him out. Before the villains know it green lantern makes a giant sword but as he is striking Mr freeze freezes the sword while bane picks it up away from the cage. Green lanterns ring runs out of charge. Green lantern is useless. But batman comes in to save him from being frozen. Snow flakes fly out. Batman is frozen! Green lantern is sprinting into bane for a strike. But before he knows bane pulls his arm into the air and pelts it down. Green lantern goes flying into the walls. He is paralysed. Superman flys in at an incredible speed. Bang! Superman pelts him into the ground and is chocking him. Banes out of breath... "He's,he's dead"? Superman whispered to him self. Well we've done it, we've won. But before super man knows it he gets frozen with a special Kryptonite ice so he can't use his heat vision to get free. "Haha who's the winners now" mr freeze said in a evil voice. But when mr freeze is distracted. Aqua man comes from his mystical waves with his guardian sharks. Aqua man stabs mr freeze with his triton and he makes a human kebab for his guardian sharks. "Well who's the winners now" aqua man said in a masculine voice. PEW! PEW! Joker shoots his rifle. "HAHAHA" the joker laughed in a evil way. "Ugh" aqua man groaned. Aqua man looks down and sees a massive hole in his stomach. He falls to his knees, and then down onto his face. The joker sees a hole in martian man hunters chamber. VROOOOOM! Martian man hunter flys into the joker. The joker gets pounded into the strong walls of the church. The joker is on the ground he is desperate for air as he hears his ribs crunch. His gun is on the ground, he eventually builds up the strength to get a grip on his gun. But before he knows it, he feels a nudge to the head. He looks up, martian man hunter grabbed the gun before the joker could get it. Bang!

Harry

28/11/2013 11:09:23 pm

Really great start! Keep the great work up. Your my hero

Harrison

4/12/2013 01:46:57 am

Fan fiction

Bang! Boom! Smash! Batman strikes, Superman hits, Green Lantern kicks and Aquaman stabs. The Justice Team has succeeded. The villains were defeated. Back to the lair we go. "So, Justice, who are we going to strike next," said Batman. "Quick to the Bat Mobile" ( batman theme ).
"What's happening, what's so urgent?" said Superman.
"Martian ManHunter is in trouble, the Joker, Bane and Mr Freeze have him and plan to suck his powers out!" shouted Batman.
"Well we're here," said Green Lantern."What a dump." They walk up to the door.
BANG! Batman kicks the door down at the church.
They see a group villains. The Joker, Mr Freeze and Bane. They gaze into each other's eyes. The Justice League see Martian Manhunter locked up in a Kryptonite chamber so Superman can't get him out. Before the villains know it, Green Lantern makes a giant sword but as he is striking Mr Freeze he freezes the sword while Bane picks it up away from the cage. Green Lantern's ring runs out of charge. Green Lantern is useless. But Batman comes in to save him from being frozen. Snow flakes fly out. Batman is frozen! Green Lantern is sprinting into Bane for a strike. But before he knows Bane pulls his arm into the air and pelts it down. Green lantern goes flying into the walls. He is paralysed. Superman flys in at an incredible speed. Bang! Superman pelts him into the ground and is chocking him. Bane is out of breath... "He's,he's dead" Superman whispered to him self. Well we've done it, we've won. But before superman knows it he gets frozen, with a special Kryptonite ice, so he can't use his heat vision to get free. "Haha who's the winners now" mr freeze said in a evil voice. But when mr freeze got distracted. Aqua man comes from his mystical waves with his guardian sharks. Aqua man stabs mr freeze with his triton and he makes a human kebab for his guardian sharks. "Well who's the winners now" aqua man said in a masculine voice. PEW! PEW! Joker shoots his rifle. "HAHAHA" the joker laughed in a evil way. "Ugh" aqua man groaned. Aqua man looks down and sees a massive hole in his stomach. He falls to his knees, then down onto his face. The joker sees a hole in martian man hunters chamber. VROOOOOM! Martian man hunter flys into the joker. The joker gets pounded into the strong walls of the church. The joker is on the ground he is desperate for air as he hears his ribs crunch. His gun is on the ground, he eventually builds up the strength to get a grip on his gun. But before he knows it, he feels a nudge to the head. He looks up, martian man hunter grabbed a gun before the joker could fire his gun at him. Bang!

Matthew.l

4/12/2013 02:03:05 am

Superman Returns
The planet of Krypton are fighting the war against the planet of Hiphopalopales. Supermans coming into battle for the first time. Flying in a v- shape form of missiles that have written on on the side property of Hiphopalopales "incoming" Superman dad scream.superman blinks BOOM!!!.

10 years later
"Sir sir"
"What what did we win the war?"said Superman in a confused voice.
"Sir are you ok?" said Sally in a nurturing voice "my name is Sally what's yours"
"Superman"he said "where am I".said Superman
"Your on earth"said Sally
"Earth"said Superman
Superman gets up. "I have to get back to krypton"said Superman
No! There is know krypton but wait how were you planing to get there can you fly"said Sally
"Yes,can you"said Superman.
"No, but back to the point you can fly"said Sally in excitement "come back to my place so we can talk"said Sally "SO you can fly can you do anything els"said Sally
"I don't know" said Superman
"Omg I just had the best! Idea ever, you could be a super hero"said Sally in a happy voice.
"Super h-er-o"said superman in a confused voice "what is a super hero"
A super hero is someone how as powers and uses them to save people"Sally explained to Superman.
"We'll you already have the outfit"said Sally "we should turn on the tv and see who is in trouble" Sally turned on the old tv "but Sally I don't know my other powers"said superman.

Superman taps the chair in frustration boom the chair goes flying through the wall "what was that" said Sally
"My powers are all coming back to me I have super strength,invisibility i can fly and I have laser eyes"said Superman.
"You can really do all those things"said Sally
"Yes yes I can do all those things"said Superman.
"A man has had a crash on the M5"the news lady reports
"Superman you can go save that guy"said Sally the truck is on fir and the ambulance can't get to him what's this it's a bird it a frog know its a man. There seems to be some sort of flying man going towards the truck he's at the truck and he's pulling the man out of the truck.the super human is giving the man to the ambulance. "What is your name" said the doctor
"Superman" superman replied. Superman flow back and his life as a super hero began

Months later
"Superman there as been a robbery at the Washington bank they have hostages"said Sally
"i will get there as soon as posable"said superman when he gets there the building surrounded with swat superman burst though the door to see hostages with bombs attached to them. He turns around and sees 3 men with guns pointed straight at Superman "fellas I think we can work something out"said Superman.
Superman flys up through the roof."AAHH"one of the Robber screams and he disappears.
"AHH"a mother Robert disappear
"What is going on, we're did the hostages go"the mane Robber yelled
Superman came out of the building with the hostages in one arm and a switch in the other.
Superman somehow got the bombs off the hostages he gave the hostages over to the ambulance team and flow back into the building the building blow up with Superman inside.

His body was discovered weeks later at the spring water lake.

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