Writers' Craft Week 4

20/2/2014

Inspired by Patterson's writing in her book, Bridge to Terabithia, 5M played and experimented with the use of onomatopoeia and similes, mixed in short and long sentences. Based on the main character's unusual morning, 5M crafted an unusual morning of their own.

Below are some of 5M's samples.

128 Comments

Jess

20/2/2014 06:13:08 am

"Morning have a great day" my dad says as he goes to work. I sit up as fast as a jumping jellybean and creep out of my bed slowly so I wouldn't wake up my sister. I tiptoed into the kitchen and opened the fridge and grabbed an up and go. I slurped and slurped until it was done. I through my empty hollow carton into the smelly bin and pranced quietly down the hall but then my cat ran straight past me as fast as a lightning bolt. I walked into the lounge room and slid onto my couch. I was as comity as a humming bird in it's nest. I was sitting there for about five seconds and I was fast asleep again. In my dream I was on a big stage playing Clara from the nutcracker. I was on point and turning but then I felt something on my head. It was my kitten sticking her claws in my head. "OUCH" I screamed while I was pulling her of me. Next sister ran out and jumped on me saying I woke her up. I was so tired!!!! I thought that this day was going to be long.

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:44:11 am

Awesome

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:47:19 am

This is really good Jess 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Melissa and Mya

25/2/2014 04:48:16 am

Good job Jess but just remember to doudle check to for any mistakes before you post stories. :)

Caprice

25/2/2014 04:49:03 am

Great job Jess 👍

Khairell Tyne

25/2/2014 04:50:23 am

We like the story Jessie,cool.

Melissa and Mya

25/2/2014 04:52:43 am

Good job Jess but just remember to go over and double check your stories for any mistakes
before you post it. :)

Indie

25/2/2014 04:53:22 am

Good job jess I love that story I COULD READ IT FOR MY LIFE Jessica😝😝😝

Tanisha

25/2/2014 04:55:51 am

I love that story jess

sophia

25/2/2014 06:15:56 am

it was vere good

Katie

25/2/2014 06:58:56 am

Good job

Teresa

25/2/2014 10:16:37 am

Awesome story Jess remember to edit it.

Zoe and Alana

20/2/2014 06:15:32 am

Beep , Beep , Beep, ARGH!!! Beep , Beep , Beep BAM as my hand smacks the alarm clock off!!!! I slide back into my warm snugly bed I rap myself in my quilt like a coccon and slowly fall asleep.Its winter so it's freezing! In my magical dream I was catwoman fighting crime BAM POW KABOOM. The fight over my brother comes jumping on me I yell. It's the school holidays

Caprice

25/2/2014 04:50:21 am

Great job Alana and Zoe 👍

sophia

25/2/2014 06:16:46 am

great

Katie

25/2/2014 06:59:31 am

That's great

Teresa

25/2/2014 10:22:59 am

Can you have to much onomatopoeia?

Tdwcvtyidsvcutydsc

25/2/2014 10:25:15 am

Lochie

20/2/2014 06:15:33 am

D,D,D,D,D,D"Stop you dum alarm"My alarm is so dum?Switch off."yay it stopped opening my eyelids eventually I just got up and I ran into my mums room waking her up and she says "go back to bed""It is 6:30" I said WHAT!!

Haydos

21/2/2014 04:31:50 am

Nice job Lachie
Next time try to correct your spelling e.g dum/dumb

Erin

25/2/2014 04:54:25 am

Not to be mean or anything but this is might help you.

You spelt- Dum

Correct spelling- Dumb

But is was an amazing story good work😃

Melissa and Mya

25/2/2014 04:56:47 am

Good job Lochie but just remeber to check for any mistakes. :)
Example:dumb not dum

Elias

25/2/2014 06:21:47 am

Good job lochie, just make sure to get your spelling right because I spotted you spell dum and it is spelled dumb and I noticed that you said "My alarm is so dum and the you put a question mark..... I dont really get that. But bescides that Very Very Very well done:)

Elias

20/2/2014 06:19:10 am

"Beep, Beep, Beep" "WACK!" Finally off. MAX WAKE UP! its 10 am your late for breakfast your brother Thomas is gonna eat all of your waffles, WHAT WAFFLES MY WAFFLES IN MY BROTHERS MOUTH! Max Jumped out of his bed shuving his mum to get out of his way running down the stairs grabbing his waffles from the kitchen desk and then ran back up to his room locking the door eating his waffles crumbs everywhere and when he finished he went strait back to bed he was that tired running down stairs and then back up eating his waffles extremely fast took all of his energy that was gonna last him the whole day.

M&M's

21/2/2014 04:30:04 am

Elias that was a very good story I like how you made a big impressed at the start I find that very good.

Lochie

21/2/2014 04:49:44 am

I liked the use of waffles really funny with Thomas going to eat the Waffles

Anon

21/2/2014 05:39:58 am

It was really good and good Information.

Mr Murphy

24/2/2014 12:34:13 pm

Elias, Your story has made me want to eat waffles. Good effort buddy.

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:52:29 am

Really mr Murphy

Elias

25/2/2014 06:15:09 am

Thank you Mr Murphy for commenting on my storie and all the other students thank you my next storie i'll improve and ill make sure to put full stops.

John

25/2/2014 04:40:45 am

Don't forget to use full stops.

John

25/2/2014 04:42:38 am

That was very good Elias just don't forget to use full stops .

Sophie

25/2/2014 04:43:43 am

Waffles, Waffles, Waffles

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:45:11 am

You need full stops

Sophie

25/2/2014 04:45:36 am

Waffles, waffles, waffles

Erin

25/2/2014 04:46:26 am

Not to be mean or anything but there are no full stops and it is hard to read. I cant get any breaths. But it was an amazing story good work.

Tyne and khairell

25/2/2014 04:47:00 am

We like the story elias but don 't forget the full stops

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:47:05 am

Nice story please put full stops

Jackson

25/2/2014 04:47:09 am

Elias yours was great. Just remember to put full stops

Alexander

25/2/2014 04:47:49 am

Your story is making me hungry for waffles.

Lili

25/2/2014 04:47:56 am

Nice work Elias but you just need to work on where you put you're full stops.☺

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:48:12 am

Elias you need full stops........👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌

Hayden

25/2/2014 04:48:28 am

You forgot full stops.

Teresa

25/2/2014 04:50:06 am

Yummy waffles Elias, a bit breath taking though. Use full stops.

Tanisha

25/2/2014 04:50:38 am

Elias that is a wonderful story that you wrote.

Jake

25/2/2014 04:54:10 am

Nice job Elias but u have to put full stops

sophia

20/2/2014 06:20:06 am

beep beep beep slam of my alarm gose i yawd as i got out of my cosy warm confortable bed l flet as tired as a sloth

Jadey

20/2/2014 06:20:13 am

Beep,beep,beep!I look for my iPhone ,slap!I press the snooze button.I look up arrr rebel get off me.I walk down to the lung room with my feet stooping like a elephant .

geogio

21/2/2014 04:48:16 am

I really like your decribing words and it was awesome

Mr Murphy

24/2/2014 12:29:42 pm

Jade, Your use of simile to describe your how your feet sounded is incredible. I look forward to reading more of your work and sharing with 4M :-) Well done.

Hayley

25/2/2014 04:54:09 am

What is lung room

Tanisha

25/2/2014 04:54:53 am

Jadey that is a really funny story that you wrote .

Hayden

20/2/2014 06:20:29 am

Urgghh,Urgghh,Urgghh"Jeff wake up the zombies are coming".Jeff jumped out of the ragged old bed,they had to escape but there was nowhere to go,vroom, vroom get in the car somebody shouted,but Jeff and Ellie couldn't move the zombies were getting closer"down" shouted Ellie "what" replied Jeff.

Elias

20/2/2014 09:36:53 am

nice one hayden it sounds like a survival when it says jeff wake up zombie are coming nice one:)
DO OR DIE

Nuke farmer

21/2/2014 05:55:55 am

Nice story but are Jeff and Ellie in love?

hayden

1/9/2014 12:35:51 pm

most likely

Ayden

25/2/2014 04:50:27 am

Good story Hayden lots of punctuation

Jackson

25/2/2014 04:51:27 am

Great job Hayden.

Nathan

25/2/2014 04:56:09 am

Zombie story like it

Tyne khairell

25/2/2014 04:57:02 am

Good job Hayden me and. Khairell likes it we

ANDREW

25/2/2014 06:22:19 am

I liked how you done the sound urgghh urgghh urgghh but it also sounded a bit weird. At the start i didnt know what was going on but when one of the characters said that zombies are coming i got it. I liked the story.

john

25/2/2014 09:49:40 am

nice story hayden but isn the name ellie from a game

HAYDEN link

1/9/2014 12:32:57 pm

yes she is the game is the last of us.

M&M's

20/2/2014 06:20:42 am

Bridge of Terabithia
Beep,beep,beep,beep smack bang off gose the alarm. My winkly eyes slowly open in the breeze I rolled out of my bed. I feel like a giant hippo and as ired as a sloth.

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:45:57 am

Nice story.

Teresa

25/2/2014 11:42:10 pm

ired?

20/2/2014 06:22:01 am

beep beep beep wollar wollar ding dong.
i throw my alarm clock across the room.
suddenly mum walked in wake up no shut up mum then i fell back in my comfy bed and fell right back into my dream again.After 1hour
i woke back up and pulled my covers off.Get in here mum get my breakfast in my room now you lazy person.I want waffles with maplesyrup and chocolate ice cream and strawberries.All your getting is a smack whatfor mum you are being to naughty.Now get your school clothes on.

super kj

24/2/2014 11:01:33 am

i like the start oh sorry i'm awake now good job

emily

20/2/2014 06:22:15 am

my writers craft

skwak skwak skwak sihe those stupid birds ar at it agene they want extra food how long skwak o shut up now weare was i o ya how long til that lazy zoo keper gets hear o so wait you thawt i was a human well...yore rong im a leoperd actuly o wait manigers here hes the gy how feeds us hes always late well wiyl ime wating for the maniger this is my freind cooper sheys the best of the bunch even thow shes small for her size hey foods hear lets eat!.

Nathan

25/2/2014 04:49:53 am

Emily good story but fix up the spelling.

Soph

25/2/2014 04:50:05 am

Good that's good

Hayden

25/2/2014 04:53:11 am

Good job Emily!

Just remember to check the spelling when you finish.
Good job again!
Love the story.

Lili

25/2/2014 04:55:06 am

That is a really good story Emily.😊

Katie

25/2/2014 04:56:04 am

That's good

Teresa

25/2/2014 10:28:41 am

Good job Emily just remember to check the spelling though

kods

20/2/2014 06:22:44 am

Beep,beep,beep,beep i look for my iphone ''found it'' i moaned. I SLAP!!! the snoze button. My mum walk in with my Bacon and Egg roll. SPLAT!!! runny egg goes everywhere suddently my mum has had enough, my dog tremples into the room so my mym kicks him. ''NO DONT EAT THAT''
''MUM DONT BE SO HURSH'' My my mum suddently grabs her phone and dials a number''MUM WHAT ARE YOU DOING''
''CALLING QANTAS I NEED A HOLIDAY''

Jadey

21/2/2014 04:40:26 am

Hi kods

I didn't understand you story.

From jadey😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃

Jess

21/2/2014 04:27:11 am

This is for Alana and Zoe. I thought it was very creative. I love it

georgio

21/2/2014 04:47:12 am

It was 6.00 in the morning and.......
BEEP BEEP BEEP!!! I'snt it fun waking up in the morning when the alarm buzzes off. But thats not all that happens to me in the mornings. Today I woke up on the floor,strange for you to say but normal for me to say. Hang on, it's 6.00 not 7.00. My alarm goes off early awake up on the floor what else could happen?

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:50:56 am

Awesome story.

Georgio

25/2/2014 06:16:35 am

Thanz

Teresa

25/2/2014 10:57:20 am

Awesome story Georgia

Lochie

21/2/2014 04:47:46 am

Did Did Did Did"Stop you dum alarm"My alarm is so dum?Switch off."yay it stopped opening my eyelids eventually I just got up and I ran into my mums room waking her up and she says "go back to bed""It is 6:30" I said WHAT!!!
My mum said"get in the shower now" OK!! I got in the shower my mum turned it to the hot "It's to hot" my mum said?She turned it to cold "it's to cold" she said"Then turn it to the middle.I said.We got out of the shower ate breakfast got to the car and got to school just in time.

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:52:38 am

Nice story Lachlan.

Hayden

25/2/2014 04:57:13 am

Really good story!
I really like it.

RoB

21/2/2014 04:59:41 am

Bang bang bang the sound of my dad's pounding down the stairs
now I know it is time to get up I silently creep down the stairs I silently dash for the frige I quickly grab my up and go from the frige when i'm done sluping it up I bolt for the shower when i;m done in the shower I crawl for my room I dive in to my clothes as soon as i'm dressed I hear fred it's time for school........

super kj

24/2/2014 11:03:20 am

spelling mistakes
e.g fridge
nice

Mr Murphy

24/2/2014 12:32:04 pm

Robbie, This is a great effort! Keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to seeing your progression in writing as the year goes by.

Ayden

25/2/2014 04:47:49 am

Good story robbie

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:49:27 am

Great job I like your story.

Jake

25/2/2014 04:51:49 am

Awesome job Robbie that is really good

Teresa

26/2/2014 08:20:14 am

That's an awesome story Robbie!!!

Teresa

26/2/2014 08:23:08 am

That's an awesome story Robbie

Marcus and Riley's bridge to terabithia

21/2/2014 05:00:12 am

Beep,beep,beep,beep,beep,smack bang off goes the alarm.My winky eyes slowly open in the breas.I rolled out of my bed.I slowly rolled down the stairs into the kitchen and dragged my skinny body to the bench.Mum said"did you have a fantastic sleep "shut up mum"and feed me my breakfast now! I wacked the bench with anger.

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:54:44 am

I like this.

John

25/2/2014 04:54:44 am

Sounds like the kid has anger issues

the mystery writer

21/2/2014 05:00:59 am

beep, beep, beep beepa Joel was tiredly sluging him self out of the dismantled bed. Joel, dragging his body heavy as a slouching cow down the broken stairs. And while Joel was draging himself down the broken stairs. Joel's disorderent family is waiting for slouching Joel to come to the kitchen. Joel's bro max got up and walked to the broken window while mum dad jerry and sam were in in the destroyed kitchen

Zachary

25/2/2014 04:53:50 am

Nice job in writing

Jackson

25/2/2014 04:55:02 am

Great job mystery writer

Georgio

25/2/2014 06:18:31 am

Awesome story!!!!
Nice describing words

Georgio

25/2/2014 06:20:18 am

✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️

jake.m

25/2/2014 09:00:51 am

i was actulaly the mystery writer

yilara

21/2/2014 05:01:22 am

Aprils alarm is going wake up wake up what been recorded from her mums voice, Aprils mum comes in wacks of aprils alarm wake up its time for school.get my breakfast readt then while im in the showersaid april

Arley

25/2/2014 04:43:02 am

Good job all of you.

Indie

25/2/2014 04:46:07 am

I like the stories

Tess.k

25/2/2014 04:48:43 am

Full stops Elias .................................................

Arley

25/2/2014 04:49:11 am

Full stops Elies...

Joseph

25/2/2014 04:50:00 am

Awesome job guys

grace

25/2/2014 04:50:52 am

Elias,good job just remember to put full stops in your story.

Hannah.H

25/2/2014 04:51:34 am

GREAT GOB EVERYONE😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

Tess

25/2/2014 04:51:37 am

All of you should edit your writing but there still good

Grace

25/2/2014 04:54:14 am

Sophia,nice story good job!😆😋😑😏😇

Joseph

25/2/2014 04:55:01 am

Nice one Marcus

Shae

25/2/2014 04:55:07 am

Waffles yummy I love waffles making me dribbling

Alexander

25/2/2014 04:55:59 am

The waffle story is good but you need full stop but people will loses there breath

Joseph$

25/2/2014 04:56:34 am

Awesome fast guy

Tess

25/2/2014 04:56:56 am

Good job Emily but try to get your spelling correct next time✔️😆

Jackson

25/2/2014 06:59:11 am

I love waffles

25/2/2014 06:59:52 am

Haley was right

Shae

25/2/2014 07:02:24 am

Nice guys👍👍

Shae

25/2/2014 09:08:39 am

You all did good nice gob👍👍👍✔️✔️✔️📖📖📖

Shae

25/2/2014 09:11:35 am

Nice... waffle... Yummy😄😃😀😊😉☺️

Shae

25/2/2014 09:13:11 am

Nice I live for waffles

Shae

25/2/2014 09:13:47 am

Shae

25/2/2014 09:25:28 am

Elias you did well but you did not do ull stop👍👍😄😄

Georgio

28/2/2014 01:49:56 am

Garfield was tumbling down the stairs as fast as he could all the way to his hot sizzling lasagne that was waiting for him on the kitchen bench...... When out of the corner of his eye some dark figure on the edge of the room was staring at him. Garfield stopped in midair questioning to see who it was. Was it the feisty ginger cat from next door or was it a slobbery dog from down the noisy street? What ever that beast was it was creeping towards him slowly. Garfield didn't know what to do. Would he get his hot delicious lasagne or run for his cat life

Zoe and Alana

28/2/2014 01:51:11 am

thx for all the comments on our story✌️

yilara

6/3/2014 02:38:46 am

At the bang leslie shot forward. she felt the hot hair in her face. she pumps hard against the rough ground. the sweat started to drip into eyes.

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Writers' Craft Week 4

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